Through My Eyes.-EA

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Mother found!!

These eyes have finally found there resting place, it is within the other, the lifebearer. My heart and mind finally find there well that has been slowly running dry over this time. If only others outside of us could grasp the significance of these moments, and savor like I. But that is not there reward nor there privilege, that has been reserved and bestowed upon me. For this is ours, others have had there fill of these privileges, and have taken them for granted all there life, complaining about there lot, and not viewing the privilege of knowing ones flesh. This is my right, and words of others pertaining to this circumstance have no relevance to me or my mind, it is like the wind whispering in my ear only to recede into nothingness. A boy named AJ said many things of nonunderstanding due to these above mentioned words, and he speaks from an empty place, as of not knowing or really caring for another. There are many naysayers walking about, who use there pseudo intellect as if it has any bearing or weight at all. These ones leave a distastefull lingering feel in my heart, as if not knowing why I consider them at all. I do not really. I am tired of considering the inconsiderable, with there wretched twisted tongues oozing bile from the inside with no remorse. Does it really matter? I think not. For everyone has dissipated back unto the ground, and the only thing that is left for now is us. Should I feel guilty, only the selfish at heart feel that I should, for they really know better, but deny themselves because of there pity. The golden box with key is finally starting to open, and It is mine, for I have analyzed, felt, beheld it all my life, and It belongs to no other now but I. Even having a private conversation with this woman of my life is offending to some, but what do these offences have to do with me, and are they even really logical, or a ploy for control over the mind and heart, like training a lap dog. I will not stand for these people in life anymore, and one day they will be destroyed by a force in which they cannot even perceive as of now. But they will. There own selfish first destroying them by all the destitute emotions that skate around themselves, keeping them from true happiness. Oh but they have a choice, they just do not choose to make it, lingering in the well of despair and self loathing. It is really just the two of us now Mother, this time for awhile will just be ours, for it belongs to us, and is a royal gift that I will not turn down. I will not only die for this gift, but will kill for it to, it is that important, really the most important event that will ever happen to me as a human. Although I know myself, this is the last step in fully knowing myself. For all the exasperating nitpickers out there of course one fully knows oneself(relatively speaking) when one is dead, but hey Im not really concerned about you now am I? Yes I have found you, and this will change me forever!!

2 Comments:

  • I tripped across your blog and was amazed at how similar our stories appear. I was adopted at birth, and though i love my adoptive family i hungered to know my birth family. At the age of 34 i finally found her...the mother that gave me life. Sick and frail it was apparent that we had found each other in the nic of time...she passed on 4 months later. The four months we had together put my life in a place of peace it had never been before, so though our time was short, and yes painful due to her illness and passing, it affected my life in a huge and positive way. I stay in touch to this day with my grandparents, and other family members from her side. Take advantage of every second you have with your new found mom, and Congrats!!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:55 AM  

  • Hello David, how are you? The words from you mean much, seeing how we do not know how life's boat will turn next, and I am very happy that you spent the time around her you did. I met a man in Austin Texas that just met his mother, and his name was David, is that you?

    By Blogger Unknown, at 3:48 AM  

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